The sight of her hairbrush nearly killed me.
I’d put all of her toys away before that final trip to the vet. Her ceramic dishes had been washed and packed in the garage. But I’d missed the brush that I’d used on her silky hair hours earlier. It lay on my nightstand, next to the eye drops she would never need again.
I crumpled and cried, as I have done many times since….once in a store aisle where dog toys and beds were displayed. Another time, as I admired a bolt of aqua fabric until I realized it was printed with tiny white dogs.
I loved her for 17 years – about the same age my children were when they left for college. But they came home for holidays.
She will not.
You might think the absence of a blind, deaf dog who rarely made a sound would not leave a large void in my life.
You would be wrong.
Dogs are the children who never leave us, who always are available to be loved.
That is quite a lot.
I’ve always sympathized with friends who had to euthanize their pets. (In fact, one still cannot speak of the occasion without bawling – though it happened several years ago.) My sweet friend Lynn suggested that I find the toys still bearing Dixie’s scent and breathe it in. Kind Beth confided that she carried a collar in her purse for years after her beloved pet died.
I slipped Dixie’s nametag on my bracelet and it jingles the way it once did on her collar. I take comfort in this, because it reminds me of the days when she still could run to the door and greet me.
The grief comes in waves, as I remind myself of the many blessings in my life. My children – who left long ago – are healthy, prosperous and living in faraway cities. For this, I am grateful.
But I wonder how long it will take me to heal from the loss of my youngest, four-legged one…
I cried with every word;so bittersweet.
Oh, Renee! I am so sorry to hear this. Blessings on your good heart.
Sweet dear post, Renee. At least we know we have that ability to love so strongly that the grief is overpowering. We will catch up when I return ( 9/21) Anxious to hear about Chicago ! L.
I promise I’ll stop crying by then.
I feel your pain.
Max is taking very good care of Miss Dixie……
Love ya!!!
I should feel relief at my new freedom – not having to watch the clock and rush home to let her out. But I’m not there, yet. I just feel lonely.
This makes me so sad to know you are going through this now…. A big lump in my throat…. It will get better, but certainly not overnight or soon. How wonderful that you still have heart and feeling, a specially after all you’ve been through, over the years …
I start Yoga in the morning and Belle Prana ( thanks to Jenn and Chris), and maybe a quick meet-up with Chris before he joins Jamie at the beach for a family reunion of her families. Had a bad week at Mom’s…. More deterioration of the mind and bladder…. I hate thinking about it for myself… Robby and Jane leave this morning for their annual week cruise to Alaska….but they can’t afford his only nephew’s wedding… I must get a couple hours of sleep!
Hang in there, girlie,’cause I know you are a true trooper! 😘💋 Julie (So sorry I can’t be more upbeat, at the moment…..😏😔) Sent from my iPad Julie Adcock Whitney 813-625-5525
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PS- this was beautifully and most heartfelt!!!! 😘💋👍
Sent from my iPad Julie Adcock Whitney 813-625-5525
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Yesterday morning, one of my neighbors (whom I hadn’t seen in weeks) asked if I’d put her to sleep and I burst into tears…grief is a strange thing.
Sending such love..I love what you did with her name tag..I will remember, my girl is now blind and a bit doddery and where you walk I fear to tread… xxxxxxxxx
I took many, many pictures of her during the two weeks leading to the last vet appointment. I also clipped some of her silky hair and put it in a locket. Time passed in slow motion for me and I barely left the house. (One friend compared it to “a dog hospice.”) I knew I’d have plenty of time to run errands after she left me…
My dearest Renee, how sad to hear about your dog. I have just had my bird for a year and I wonder at times about that happening. He is better than having a husband, he keeps me entertained and is starting to talk. He should speak over a thousand words. Hope your book finally took off. My web site is totally dead. I just can’t imagine after such a wonderful story that you did. I think sometimes after the problem site had on the first day that it scared people off. I am getting ready to send out many emails to old and new clients and also a mass mailing to old and non clients, so we shall see. Also dropping price on my cosmetics that I can afford to do. Makeup is really cheap out there. Call me one day and we can chat. Again thank you so much for the story. Love you, Dalia
Hi Renee, I agree with you that dogs are like children to us — they have a very endearing place in our hearts and they love us unconditionally. I’m sorry about your loss; I understand your sadness as my 15 year old poodle passed away two years ago. We have a 3 month old Aussie that joined our family recently but no matter what our first “daughter” would always hold a special place in our hearts – http://felinecreatures.com/2014/09/04/concrete-jungle-where-dreams-are-made-of/
Best,
Lena