My Mom Was a Liar

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author, Family, Home, inspiration, Life, Memories

I laughed when I read this article by Susan DeLay in The Hallard Press. That’s why I’m sharing it with you. Happy Mother’s Day! ~Renee

My mother lied to me.

Face it, with the possible exception of Mother Teresa, most mothers lie. Mom passed away three years ago at 89, but I am certain she spent most of her adult years burning the midnight oil and memorizing facts from Mom’s Axioms to Get Your Kids to Do What You Want. It’s a book that’s secretly handed down from generation to generation and available only to mothers, kindergarten teachers, and nannies.

Mom Lies Saved Lives

Mom passed away a few years ago, but I still remember the whoppers she told me when I was growing up—whoppers that I still live by. Granted, her lies were for my own good—designed to keep me safe, healthy, and most of all, alive. (Minus that big fat lie about having to eat carrots.)

While mothers everywhere tell us lying is not okay, that’s not completely true. The lies Mom told my brother, sister, and me might have meant the difference between death by spanking and death period.

Mom’s Top 10 Whoppers

1. Coffee will stunt your growth. My grandmother drank coffee and my parents drank coffee—a lot of it. How come they weren’t short? Starbucks may not know about this one. Neither do their millions of customers.
   
2. If you eat seeds (watermelon, orange, grapefruit), it’s inevitable you’ll end up with a tree growing in your stomach. I wonder if nutritionists know about this. They’re big on encouraging people to eat seeds as part of a healthy diet.
   
3. Crack your knuckles and your fingers will fall off. Yep, just like that. Thunk, thunk, thunk on the ground.
   
4. Wait 30 minutes after eating before going into the water or you’ll get cramps and die. I believed this one so strongly that I wouldn’t even get into the bathtub until at least 30 minutes after dinner. Showers are okay. You won’t die from a post-meal shower—unless you happen to be spending the night in the Bates Motel.
   
5. Wear a hat when you go outside in cold weather, or you’ll get pneumonia and die. A parallel safety violation is never go outside with wet hair because you’ll catch pneumonia and die. It’s okay to go out in the rain because you’re not made of sugar and you won’t melt. Just make sure you have a hat and umbrella. Otherwise, well, you could die.
   
6. Never answer a phone on the first ring. Rumor has it this is done to deceive people into thinking you have better things to do than sit by the phone. Of course, this was before we carried our phones with us everywhere we went. Even the bathroom. (Ewww.)
   
7. If you sit too close to the TV, you’ll go blind. Watching television in the dark is a surefire path to losing your eyesight. It won’t happen all at once, of course. Your eyes will start to deteriorate and you’ll need glasses, which is unfortunate because Mom also said boys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses.

But wait. There’s more. After enough television watching from an unsafe distance, you’ll graduate to dark glasses, a white cane, and a seeing-eye dog. To this day, I watch TV from across the room with the lights on. Once you pass a certain age, your eyes are going to deteriorate anyway. Mom didn’t have an answer for that, but I did. It’s called old age.

8. If you forget something and go back into the house to get it, sit down before you leave again. There is a possibility you might die if you don’t. To this day, I follow this rule. I heard it from both my grandmother and my mom. And I think I read it in the National Enquirer, so it must be true.
   
9. This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you. This rule, usually applied before a parent doles out punishment, has puzzled children since the beginning of time. Just how, exactly is this going to hurt you more than me? I once offered to help take her pain by switching places. I was very sorry I asked.

• My all-time favorite Mom lie is that eating carrots will not only help our eyesight, but it will also allow us to see in the dark. The World Carrot Museum says this falsehood was started by the British Ministry of Information to mislead the Nazi Luftwaffe (Air Force) during World War II. Luftwaffe pilots struck at night and thanks to secret radar technology, the Royal Air Force (RAF) fought them off. Rather than let the Nazis discover the Airborne Interception Radar, Brits concocted a farce that RAF pilots had night vision because they ate carrots. Lies. All of it.

I still think of my mother every time I stare down a cooked carrot.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

Viva Magenta

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According to the headlines, “the Pantone Color of the Year 2023 is a fun and fearless hue.”

Evidently, I am neither.

I can’t imagine, say, sitting on a sofa on “a new animated red that revels in pure joy, encouraging experimentation and self-expression without restraint, an electrifying and a boundless shade.”

Be advised, the color will soon pop up in stores, be worn on the runway, and get brushed on the walls of our homes. When selecting Viva Magenta 18-1750, the color experts determined “it had to be a courageous color that reflects inner strength. Strong and spirited, Viva Magenta landed the role.”

“The last few years were transformative in many ways in terms of people’s sense of self, and the way well-being, priorities, and identity are being thought about,” says Laurie Pressman, vice president of the Pantone Color Institute, which provides customized color standards, brand identity and product color consulting as well as trend forecasting with the Pantone Color of the Year, Fashion Runway Color Trend Reports, color psychology and more. 

The folks at Pantone say it’s a modern color that can be used in bold new ways, from eyeshadow to an attention-grabbing accent wall. (I’m more of a gray or beige girl, myself.) They chose it after extensive research—including inspiration pulled from art exhibits, travels, fashion shows, even TikTok videos.

I think I’ll just wait and see…

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

 

The tattered-bag trend

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author, inspiration, Life

I’ve never minded a scratch or a scuff on my leather purse – it means that I enjoy it and I use it.

Today, it seems that I am considered trendy! According to the Wall Street Journal, “women are both embracing their handbags’ scratches and stains and seeking out visibly worn-in styles on the secondhand market.” In its 2023 luxury consignment report, resale site the RealReal noted higher demand than ever for bags in “fair” (i.e., heavily worn) condition. Similarly, the folks at resale platform Vestiaire Collective report that sales of worn-in designer bags have jumped 13 percent in the last six months.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

Didn’t Dracula turn into dust particles?

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author, books, Family, Home, inspiration, Life

Does anyone else like drawing in the dust? A long-ignored shelf or tabletop makes a great canvas for doodling with your finger. Unfortunately, it’s also a reminder that I should be cleaning.

Keeping a home consistently clean can feel like a full-time job. That’s why I read (with mild interest) an article on tips for keeping your space spotless.

The first recommendation was the 20/10 Rule:

You use a timer to train yourself to do brief cleaning periods throughout the week. For example, you can set a timer for 20 minutes and focus on cleaning something during those 20 minutes. Then, you give yourself a 10-minute break to do whatever you want.

This is highly unlikely for me.

Another suggestion was Have a schedule: For example, maybe Monday is for dusting and laundry, and Tuesday is for vacuuming and bathrooms. You can go from there, but as you’re doing more frequent cleaning, things have less of a chance to become big messes.

Again, highly unlikely.

The best idea was Do one room at a time. It’s overwhelming to think I have to clean an entire house. Maybe if I focused on one room at a time, I might stay motivated and accomplish something.

In the meantime, I think I’ll draw a happy face on the spot that I’ll dust…next week.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

The Land of Lost Luggage

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I sympathize with everyone who lost their luggage on Southwest Airlines during the Christmas holidays.

The day after the September 11 attacks, I made the first of many calls to US Airways to see about retrieving my suitcase, which had been impounded at La Guardia Airport. After hours on hold, an airline employee asked for a description of my bag in order to locate it.

“It’s black,” I began.

“And I bet it has wheels and a pull-up handle,” she said.

This didn’t look promising.

She tried another approach. “Okay, if I open your suitcase, what will I see that tells me it’s yours?”

“Well, I have a pair of black slacks, a black turtleneck…and, um, a black skirt.”

I was in New York for Fashion Week, for God’s sake. Editors wear black, not Hawaiian prints. But I learned a valuable lesson: Something in your luggage must be easy to identify.

Miraculously, the airline found my black-wheeled-suitcase-with-handle in the impounded baggage. However, when I returned to Michigan, I marched into “Frederick’s of Hollywood” and bought the loudest leopard bikini panties – with a strategically placed red heart – that I could find. For many years, they were the final item I packed on every trip. I wanted to be sure that if another airline employee ever asked, ‘If I open your suitcase, what will I see?’ I’d have a much better answer.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.”

All is calm, all is bright

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author, Christmas, Family, Home, inspiration, Life, writing

First, let me say I’m not a Grinch. I have done Christmas above and beyond for nearly a quarter of a century for my children. I have hosted Christmas cookie exchanges, decorated trees fit for a Fifth Avenue shop window, dressed the dog in holiday attire, baked cookies for Santa, and wrestled holiday lights into the bushes. There’s not much Christmas I haven’t done.

Just not this year.

My children are older now and celebrate the holidays in their own homes (in other states.) Yes, it was magical when my kids would stumble down the stairs on Christmas morning and I’d watch their amazed little faces glow as they discovered the gifts under the lit tree. I have beautiful memories of those moments and I will cherish them forever.

However, this year I hung brand new stockings on the mantel – without embroidered names – and erected a 4-foot tree instead of a towering one. I’ll spend Christmas in my sister’s home as a guest rather than a host. I feel a different kind of anticipation: Spending Christmas with the person I shared a room with when we were small, the sibling who raised her family in another part of the country (and abroad) while I was busy raising mine. That’s the calmer, peaceful holiday that I’m cherishing this year.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas, too.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

It’s a little like Thanksgiving

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author, books, cooking, dining room, Family, inspiration, meals, Thanksgiving, writing

I hate Swedish meatballs.

Forgive me, IKEA, because I’ve heard yours are amazing. But the version my sister prepared when we were growing up was inedible. (My mother, however, was thrilled when sis tackled recipes from Betty Crocker’s Cookbook for Boys and Girls.)

At the dinner table my parents praised her, while I choked down enough to pass muster. The menu may have been lacking, but the conversation was good. Back then, my parents were on to something.

A youth mental-health crisis that was building for a decade before the pandemic, has worsened over the past two years. In 2021, 44 percent of high school students said they felt persistently sad or hopeless in the past year, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. At the same time, mounting scientific research shows that gathering for regular meals and conversation might be one way to build children’s emotional resilience. (Having TV on in the background has been found to reduce the quality of children’s meals.)

I know it’s hard to deal with conflicting schedules of working parents and kids. But avoiding digital distractions and eating family dinners together is worth the effort.

Just don’t serve Swedish meatballs…

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

Reading Aloud to Children

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author, books, Family, Home, inspiration, Life, read, writing

There is a proven way to help children learn and it’s free: Read aloud to them.

Young children who have lots of stories read to them enter kindergarten as much as 14 months ahead in language and pre-reading skills. According to educators, while listening to stories, children learn a more sophisticated vocabulary than they are likely to hear elsewhere, while also picking up grammar, syntax and general knowledge. The more children under five are read to, the richer and deeper their language capacities become (with positive effects later in English, math and other subjects.)

Even better, it works for students 12 to 13 years old, too!

In a study lead by the University of Sussex, 20 English teachers read novels to poor-to-average students for three months. Morale and test results soared. Children who once hated English lessons were practically racing into the classroom to find out what happened next. When given reading comprehension tests, average readers made 8.5 months of progress while poorer students made 16 months of progress.

The simple act of a teacher reading aloud a few times a week produced students who were happier, more motivated and more capable academically.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

Let the light in

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arts, author, book, entertainment, publishers, read, Writer

In the foreword of his book, The Place of Books in the Life We Live (copyright 1923), author William L. Stidger writes, “Books are like the windows of a tower. They let light in. Every life is a growing tower. It is put stone by stone. The higher it grows, the darker it gets if we do not put in a window here and there to give light. That is what a book does to a life. It lets light into that life.”

Well said, indeed.

Stidger believed that a book could frequently be the turning point in the life of a boy or girl, man or woman. It can change the course of a human life, awakening the soul like nothing else. In addition, he believed that books would keep the soul and the world alive, raising people to greater heights.

One of the greatest things we can do is to encourage others to be eager readers. We can give books for gifts and urge others to expand their horizons through the creation of excellent reading habits.

Keep reading, my friends, and inspire others to do the same!

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of two Young Adult books, “The Anchor Clankers,” and “Anchored Together.” She is Past President of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.

Don’t worry, Be happy

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attitude, author, books, Family, Happiness, inspiration, Life, optimism, writing

My Irish ancestors always viewed the glass as half empty.

I have a tendency to do the same, which isn’t unusual since people are influenced by the way they were raised. Yet I’m trying to change, since optimism helps us be more resilient, have better pain management, stronger immune function and longer lifespans. Fortunately, experts say that optimism is a style of thinking and not a fixed personality trait.

I’ve always enjoyed trying a new style.

Psychologists believe that it’s possible to boost optimism with practice: They suggest starting by limiting the negative elements in your life. Fill your social media with people and organizations making a positive impact. Spend more time with people who are optimistic. Listen to upbeat music. Try meditation.

Of course, when your car doesn’t start or your boss frustrates you, negative thoughts can wear you down. But experts advise us to get out a piece of paper (I have plenty) and write down three things about the situation that could help you see it more positively. (I’ll let you know if it works.)

Full-time optimism may be impossible to achieve, but I’m setting small goals to make me feel less pessimistic. My glass is beginning to look half full.

Renee Garrison is an award-winning author and president of the Florida Authors and Publishers Association.