Santa says avoid stress

Tags

Christmas, Family, Health, Holiday, inspiration, Life, relationships

Ideally, the holidays should to be a time of thankfulness, reflection, and celebration. Yet the idealistic visions of a perfect holiday are often marred by tensions and stress. Financial pressure, over-commitment and unrealistic expectations are among the culprits. However, I’ve discovered a few adjustments that can bring joy and peace to the season.
-Have realistic expectations. Magazines, The Hallmark Channel, even commercials depict elaborate holiday decorations, spotless homes and amazing meals. All of those images push us toward unrealistic expectations of ourselves and everyone else. Instead, do what is realistic for you without feeling guilty, lazy or inadequate.
-Be flexible. You might have to make concessions about when and where celebrations occur to avoid stress in families. Be willing to get together on a different day before or after the holiday if need be. The actual day isn’t as important as the opportunity to gather in a relaxed, unrushed atmosphere.
-Downgrade décor. Just because neighbors or family members decorate excessively doesn’t mean you can’t opt for a different experience. Simple decorations are just as festive (and perhaps more peaceful) than over-the-top extravagance. Include a few items that are special to you or your children, but don’t feel obligated to go overboard.
-Don’t break the budget. Gifts, parties, decorations and travel create a lot of financial pressure during the holidays. Your budget may require reducing the number of gifts you give or finding other ways to cut costs. Ignore the retail hype that plays on your emotions and avoid the temptation to buy with credit cards. Your stress level will skyrocket in January when the bills arrive.
– Just say no. A full holiday calendar equals exhaustion. Consider the logistics before accepting too many invitations. Leave holes in your calendar for quiet evenings at home or impromptu gatherings. You’ll be glad you did.

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of The Anchor Clankers. 

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Dignity versus Safety

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aging, Family, Health, Life, Parents, relationships

We’ve watched Mom lose her memory, hearing, financial prowess and driving skills. But we’ve also tried not to become overly controlling in her life.

Yet there are few options when a 93-year-old parent doesn’t use good judgment, suffers from loneliness, confusion and becomes an easy target for predators. She insists that she “wants to die in my own home,” yet refuses to allow us to hire any assistance.

Like many adult children, we have begun to walk a tightrope between overstepping boundaries and ensuring that she makes it through the day by giving her medications, paying bills and preparing meals. For more than a year there were telltale signs suggesting that we must take more assertive action: When we noticed that Mom could no longer differentiate between advertisements and legitimate bills, we took over her finances.

Occasionally, she has lucid moments and we enjoy them, too. For a brief time, we have our mother back.

Most days, when debating whether we should intervene in her life, we try to give her the benefit of the doubt. All living involves some risk. We can’t rob Mom of her dignity in the name of safety.

 

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of The Anchor Clankers.

Renee interviews author Melody Dimick

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author, books, Family, inspiration, relationships, school, writing

Melody and I met in a café writers’ group, where I discovered that she is President of the Florida Writers Foundation, Inc. a non-profit corporation formed to promote literacy, as well as enhance the writing skills of children, youth, and adults. Foundation volunteers visit elementary schools for reading days, sponsor poetry contests, donate books to underprivileged schools, and contribute funds to middle school writing contests. Her new book, “Backpack Blues: Inspire the Fire Within,” is a young adult story in verse.

Tell me about your background. Where you grew up, where you live now, education, work experience? Share some interesting things about yourself that we should know about.

I grew up on a poultry farm and graduated from Beekmantown Central School in the Plattsburgh, New York area. I am a Castleton State (now Castleton University) graduate. I met my husband, a Vermont native, while studying there. I taught at Northern Adirondack Central School, DeLand High School, and at the State University of New York at Plattsburgh. I am the proud mother of one son and live in Central Florida with my husband (and fellow writer,) Barry.

What inspired you to write this book? What is the story behind the story?

Three things inspired me:
• First and foremost, poignant essays from former students. As a teacher, I found my students believed their problems were singular, and they struggled alone.
• Second, Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters provided a format. My students loved reading and performing some of the poems from this book.
• Third, issues in the news and our society. For example, the spreading of the human trafficking of teens, the violence on school campuses, and the high rate of divorce and its effect on children.

What has been your biggest challenge or obstacle?
Finding the elusive agent and writing the New York Times Bestseller.

What has been your biggest “aha” moment or success?

Obtaining both a copy and content editor taught me how to better revise my books. My biggest “aha” moment came when I read their criticism. Chosen to speak on the First Books Panel at the Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators Miami Conference spelled success for me. Winning a Royal Palm Literary Award, being a finalist in this year’s contest, and being asked to serve as the president of the Florida Writers Foundation are also big moments in my life.

What authors do you like to read? What books have had a strong influence on you or your writing?

I’ve been accused of reading everything, but the toilet paper roll. Janet Evanovich influences me to incorporate humor, even in serious writing. Carolyn Keene influenced me to write a series. I gobbled every one of her Nancy Drew mystery books when I was in middle school. The literary quality of John Steinbeck’s East of Eden helped me learn to use figurative language in my books. John Griffin, Carl Hiaasen, Daphne DuMaurier, Pearl S. Buck, Marge Piercy, Langston Hughes, Emily Dickinson, Dorothy Parker, and Maya Angelou influence me. Stephen King’s On Writing challenges me. Anne Lamott’s Bird by Bird taught me how to use similes, metaphors, and personification. Workshops conducted by Darlyn Finch Kuhn, Elizabeth Sims, Lorin Oberweger, Madeleine Kuderick, Adrian Fogelin, Alma Fullerton, and Peter Meinke pushed my writing forward. My good friend and mentor, Peggy Miller (Margaret Wolfson) taught me a new poetry form. Her poetry encourages me to aim for brevity.

Do you write every single day? Any writing rituals?

After starting the coffee pot and putting a load of laundry into the washing machine, I turn to my computer every single day. I write until my husband Barry and I have breakfast. I return to the computer after breakfast and write until lunchtime (about 2:00). I’ve never written with a pen or pencil, except when forced. I used a typewriter before I started using Word.

What are your interests outside of writing?

Pickleball, playing Pinochle with my son and his lovely wife, traveling with my husband. My ultimate goal is a trip to the Canadian Maritimes. Going out to dinner with my college roommate and her husband once a week and watching a play at the Shoestring Theatre or at my friends’ house after dinner. Since my family owns a Sugar Bush (maple trees), I value trees. You may call me a tree-hugger. I feel like crying when someone cuts a live oak tree.

Share some tips for other Authors or Aspiring Authors: What would you do differently? What would you do the same? Please share anything you think would be beneficial to those reading this.

• Attend writing conferences—make them mini-vacations.
• Learn what a platform is and get one.
• Join writing groups.
• Read as many books as you can in your genre.

 

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of The Anchor Clankers.  

To suggest an author interview, email her: rgarrison@bestversionmedia.com

One year later

Tags

author, books, Humor, Life, publishers, relationships, Sanford Naval Academy, writing

Last August, I won a Gold Medal for my debut Young Adult novel, The Anchor Clankers. Since then, I’ve been writing a sequel, spending most days alone at my computer.

However, this year I understand that when the manuscript is finished, the hardest part begins: telling people about it.

My isolation disappears as I ask folks to read and edit my words, ask literary agents if they might represent me, ask readers for blurbs, post on Facebook (again and again), and eventually ask people to show up at some bookstore on a Wednesday night to listen to me read an excerpt from my work.

This author life is not for the timid.

I’m grateful to the people who read my book. And sometimes a friend from high school will surprise me by showing up to a reading or posting a review online. Sometimes a stranger will email me out of the blue and say they loved it, and in those moments, it feels like I’ve accomplished something impossible. Maybe not the Nobel Prize for Literature, but it feels better than I ever thought it could.

(Fortunately, the average age of Literature Laureates is 65 – I’ve still got time.)

Precious metal

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children, Family, Home, inspiration, Life, relationships, wedding

There’s something startling about seeing a wedding ring on your child’s hand – a hand that never wore a high school or college ring, or jewelry of any kind.

It is a larger version of the pudgy little hand that so often reached for mine. The same toddler’s hand that dragged a chair across my kitchen floor to reach the counter and put pieces of bread in the toaster. (C’mon, we let him use a toaster, not fire up a barbeque grill.)

Today, his fingers are longer and carry more responsibility. They nurture a career, a home and a wife.

And now, they wear a ring.

 

 

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of “The Anchor Clankers.“

 

 

A hug in my hand

Tags

author, Family, inspiration, Life, motherhood, relationships, wedding

My college experience included membership in a sorority which promised to “establish a perpetual bond of friendship” among its members. The promise turned out to be true.
Back then, my “Little Sister” gave me a pansy handkerchief (our sorority flower) which I carried at my wedding as the traditional “something blue.” Since then, it has traveled to college graduations along with Arlington National Cemetery to bury my parents.
Next week, my son will be married in Texas and I have scrupulously tried to follow the unspoken rules established for the mother of the groom: “Simply show up, shut up and wear beige.” It is a role which is the least important and the most invisible.
This is a destination wedding (with a limited guest list) so few friends will be with me to watch my son become a husband. Instead, my emotional support will lay folded inside my pocket, in the form of a pansy hanky. Along with drying tears, it will serve as a hug in my hand and a reminder of the friends who care.
Delta love and mine, Roxanne.

 

 

 

Renee Garrison is the award-winning author of “The Anchor Clankers.”

The Gold Medal goes to…

Tags

books, Life, relationships, teenagers, writing

J.D. Salinger averaged 20 words a day to finish his 73,000-word classic The Catcher in the Rye over a 10-year span. My novel took six years to get from a legal pad into a binding.

Much of that time was spent sitting alone in front of my computer. On good days, I wondered how a book could be so easy to write. On other days, I struggled – week by agonizing week – wondering if it was worth the fight. Every book has its journey, which may take a month, a year, or even a lifetime.

Probably because they spend so much time alone, authors value recognition from their peers. At the Florida Authors and Publishers Association 2017 President’s Book Awards ceremony, the goodwill was palpable. Winners had been notified that we were finalists in the competition, so when the bronze medal in the Young Adult category was announced, I prepared to stand. I did the same when the silver medal was announced. That’s when I began to fear I’d been notified in error. (I didn’t even hear my name called as the gold medal was announced.) Fortunately, I DID see a six-foot picture of my book cover flash on stage, so I stood and walked toward it.

Turns out that E. B. White, author of Charlotte’s Web, was quite right when he said, “It is deeply satisfying to win a prize in front of a lot of people.”

Sore today, strong tomorrow

Tags

Health, Humor, injuries, inspiration, Life, physical therapy, relationships

My physical therapist wears a shirt that reads, “Suck it up, buttercup.”

I’ve been seeing a lot of her since I had surgery to repair a torn rotator cuff.  She appears sympathetic during each hour-long torture session (most serial killers do – it’s the secret of their success.)

However, the camaraderie among other victims – er, patients – surprises me. When our eyes meet, there’s a smile, a nod, or murmur of encouragement. During brief moments of rest, I’ve had people lean over and ask, “How did it happen?” or “Did you have surgery?”

Simple gestures, yet when you’re in pain and feeling frustrated, encouragement from strangers in the same boat is comforting. Our injuries may be diverse, but our goals are clear and compelling: to be pain-free and able to move with a full range of motion.

The prospect of meeting these folks again one day in Starbucks or the grocery store (anywhere but physical therapy) appeals to me. Our shared experience creates a kind of fraternity, though our initiations were vastly different.

Our motto: It really will get better every day.

Setting the mood

Tags

decor, Family, Home, relationships, style, Valentine

TAMPA – Lou and Carol Radwanski know how to set a mood.
The creative couple – Carol sells visual merchandising to department stores and theme parks, while Lou owns The Arrangement Florist – will be married 42 years next month.

“We’re both workaholics,” Lou admits. “So we schedule a weekly date night and we share the chores. But the real secret to our marriage’s success is that we’re best friends.”

Their instincts were good from the start – the couple became engaged just two weeks after meeting. And like many lovers, they prefer to celebrate Valentine’s Day at home.
“It is the biggest, single day of the year for florists,” Lou explains. “We’re usually working around the clock in the days leading up to it. ”

Once, years ago, the couple decided to celebrate the holiday with a few friends.
“I fell asleep in my mashed potatoes,” he says. “I learned that Valentine’s Day is not a night for florists to go out.”

So Carol pulls together the perfect romantic celebration at home by decorating a few key areas with symbols of love:

1. The Entrance – Decorating your front entrance starts the night with a nice surprise for any Valentine. Carol hangs a sparkly heart wreath trimmed with white silk flowers and ribbon on the door. For added color, she plants pink, red and white flowers by the walkway, along with a tiny cupid flag.

2. The Dining Room – Nothing is more romantic than having an intimate dinner with the one you love. In lieu of a runner, Carol scatters rose petals along her black lacquer dining table. Red chargers beneath white plates, red roses in glass cubes and red candles add to the affectionate atmosphere.

3. The Bath – The Radwanskis enjoy red walls, a golden baroque mirror and antique fixtures in their bathroom all year long. For Valentine’s Day, Carol adds a vase with red roses, red hand towels and a sexy note written in lipstick on the mirror! Heart-shaped soap dishes and aroma candles also are inexpensive ways to add a bit of love to your bathroom décor.

4. The Bedroom – Two red robes lay waiting by a dessert tray topped with Valentine coffee mugs and a box of chocolates. “Carol knows I love eating chocolate and watching Jay Leno,” Lou says, with a grin.
Scattering rose petals on the floor might indicate a slightly different program…

Children

Tags

children, Family, motherhood, relationships, respect, self-esteem

“Time makes bolder,
children get older
I’m getting older, too.” ~ Fleetwood Mac

My friend’s voice cracked and tears spilled from her eyes as she recounted the last meeting with her 30-something daughter. “My therapist says my relationship with you is toxic. I can’t be around you.”

I’ve known this woman for more than 20 years. I’ve watched the sacrifices she made for her children and the life she devoted to them: countless hours spent chauffeuring them to lessons and events; cookies and cupcakes baked for school parties; athletic games suffered through, and all the tears she dried, due to life’s disappointments.

When I heard such a cruel statement come from the daughter she adored, my own gut ached. Somehow with all the love we gave, and all the lessons we tried to instill, we forgot to teach our children to respect us.

Simply because they now earn a paycheck (and are less dependent on ours,) many adult children believe they can speak to us differently, condescendingly…as they might speak to a dim-witted peer.

In our constant attempts to bolster their self-esteem, did we diminish their regard for us?

Generational expectations often differ because ideas about relationships change over time. Mothers understand that behavior which is appropriate between parents and small children will change as the children grow. But respect is non-negotiable.

If you’ve never been a parent, let me assure you that caring for children is not always a rewarding enterprise. To hold a little person in your hands and in your heart every minute of your life is one tough task.

We all have similar hopes for our children: good health, happiness, fulfilling work and financial stability. Perhaps we should add one more: Always treat us with respect.